Living the Dream

I have longed for even a portion of this all my life.

To love and be loved is a powerful basic need;  Like air, we need to cross breathe with family;  Like water, we need to be soothed;  Like fire we need to be warmed by those who , right to the cells, care;  Like earth, we need a place to settle and people of consequence to settle with.

I am going through rollercoaster emotions; one moment I want nothing more than to weep for all the times I have needed such.  At times I want to stand on a mountain and scream into the valleys that I do not care if anyone in the world loves me, I am found.  At times, I melt with simple love and joy into the faces and the words and the voices more dear to me than all of life can ever guess.   At times, I want to stamp my foot, pout my lips and tell the world to take a flying leap, I no longer care if anyone else loves me, I have been found by love of my own.  At times, I stare off into blank space and remember those loneliest moments when I felt like someone had thrown their love over me like a shawl…I should have known the brothers and sisters and mother were out there sending such to me. 

I am the lover of life, the hugger of lonely things, the laughter right from the toes, the silliest and smartest moments have all been me and he is about to meet someone unlike any other.  I am sure, I will not be at my best when we all meet.  I will be nothing short of a sop rag saying things like, “OMG, over and over and over….I wish the moment we all are together to stand still, so I can fill every pore of my being with you all before we all burst into one another lives.   I think perhaps I may be stunned silent for the first time in my life.

Sometimes when I think of it, I envy those who had each other to hold on to in life.  I have a sense of being lonely all my life for that something I wished for.  To be found is unspeakably powerful in my life.  I no longer feel like it is me, alone, against the world.  It is like, there is this cushion to fall back on.  I realize no one has to love me for anything, but just the sense that they are there is empowering and comforting.

I do not need for anyone to do or be anything that absolutely who they are.  I thought I would stand alone for all my life.  To have all these brothers and sisters; these pieces of myself is more than a dream come true, more than a fervent prayer, more that I could hardly ever have believed.  Just to know they are there will hold me for the rest of my life, whether they do or not.

Tags: A Family //