Living the Dream

As we live in the present, there comes a Visitor:  The Past Wound that is not healed.

It begs us to respond to it.  We can not close the door, stuffing it back into its dark place again.  To gain authentic Presence in the moment, we have to align personality and soul.

We all have key triggers to our worries, sorrows, sadness, and personality challenges.  Those things are the WHY of how we act and react.  We can not solve anyone else’s WHY.  We must retrace our history until we find the hole in the woodwork that lets the returning of old wounds leak out, like light wanting to be full force.  We need to explore all aspects of WHY we act and react, not just the difficult ones:  Why we love what we love, why we appreciate what we do, why we appreciate what we do, why we like who we do, etc.

We have held onto the hem of happy endings at the price of closing off those things that made our journey difficult.  We disallow the blessings that come for challenges, from barriers to that story-ending.  After all, endings are only another beginning.

Our soul wants things finished.  Our psyche says: Quick, toss it away and give it up, hide it, store it, deal with it later…or never.  We will spend a great deal of energy barring that door where we have those things we have not dealt with.

We do not live in a static world.  It is always changing and challenging.  At the right time and place, the right thing happens.  When the soul knows you are ready to know and learn the lesson of some past incidents, it will reveal them to you.  Sometimes they come as flashbacks, an unsettling feeling, or come crashing down, like a door whose hinges have rusted, on you with a thud.  Endings are required.  Always.  Doors always have a way of falling down or having the walls around it corrode and the light within gets out.  That light is awareness and the need for full examination of it.

Our future depends on going back and housekeeping.  Like houses, things can fall into desperate disrepair.  A new hinge, a new board; we add-on, change walls, fix steps.  So it is with those memories and difficult things we did not deal with until we sorted it.

Our soul needs peace.  Old wounds fester and emits doubt, discord, disharmony and the ego, the bad-house salesman, will try to redirect the complete fulfillment of peace.  We see it all the time; those bad deals that were made.  We know how we, and others, disassociate, grab on to alternate obsessions, to smooth over the want and need.  The want and need exhibits itself in one way or another, though.  It is so apparent.

A friend of mine met a lady who has daily multiple visions.  She says when her body feels cold, she knows evil.  When she meets people, she can tell them all about themselves, and that God appears to her many times through the day.  Later, she explained to my friend that she had been a drug addict and abused alcohol and then Jesus saved her.  She says, Jesus gives her daily visions to keep her strong.  Does this not seem incongruent to anyone else?  This is an alternate obsession in order to block the real need for healing the key triggers that led her to the abuses in the first place.  Her ego is working especially hard to keep things at the door at bay.  It will eventually all fall down; this house of cards.

Sometimes, in fact, most times, we grow the most peace when we are willing to look at problems as they arise…right in the midst of great conflict.  There is no peace until we do.  Seriously.  There is always the fear that something will leak out at the wrong time.  And, there is no wrong time.  There is only the right time.  When you notice a nail is loose, fix it before the whole roof falls in on you.

We say we desire peace in the world, but we do not even know how to accept the challenge to have peace within.  When we go back and know those woundings as the dear children they are, we can nurture and heal those starving waifs we abandoned.  I know about starving waifs.  I was one in real life and I have spawned many more as life went on.  I had to go back and rescue them.   No one could rescue them for me.  I had to open the door and welcome the visitors in as they come or they would have become a raging mob and broken the door down.

©Carol Desjarlais

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