Let Me Not Be Bitter
An old woman was living with her daughter and her family. Her daughter was always complaining about her life and she was bitter and angsty. The old woman was grateful to be able to live with her daughter, but was tired of the complaining. She knew she was a burden, but that is part of some old women’s lives.
On morning, her daughter came sighing into her room and the old woman asked her daughter to get her some salt and a glass of water. With a bigger sigh, the daughter went to get some salt and water for her mother. She loved her but she was feeling resentful at all she had to do on top of caring for her mother.
When the daughter returned, her mother told her to put the salt in the water and take a sip. The daughter complied; perhaps just to mollify her mother and cause no problems.
Immediately the daughter coughed and spit out the sip of salty water.
“How did that taste?” asked the mother. Gulping, the daughter cried, “Bitter!”
“Let us walk to the lake. Bring the salt.” The daughter protested and had all sorts of excuses but the mother was adamant they have just a moment of time at the lake.
When they reached the lakeshore, the mother told the daughter to take a handful of salt and put it in the lake. The daughter took a fistful and swirled it in the water.
The mother then told her daughter to cup her hand and take a sip of the lake water. The daughter did so; hoping this strangeness would end soon and she could go about her busy-ness. She took a cupped palmful of water.
“How does it taste? asked the mother. “Fresh,” said her daughter.
“Do you taste the salt?” asked the mother. “No,” said the daughter.
Lovingly, the mother took her daughter into her arms and whispered, “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain is the same, exactly the same. But the amount of bitterness it has depends on what container we put the pain in. When you are in pain, enlarge the container, your sense of it. Stop being the glass and become the lake.”
I have often prayed I would never become a bitter old woman. I have lived life as if it were an adventure. I followed the dictum: Live it or lose it!” I know what my genetic history is: Living to an old age and living with Alzheimer’s in the end. Now, I can bear living to an old age as long as I am healthy and able to find things I can do at whatever stage. And you better believe there a re a few things I would not mind forgetting.
I remember talking to a writer-friend about old age. I have told her she will be sitting in a chair, forgetful of everything, but she will be editing and critiquing old newspapers and magazines people put in front of her. She will be happy as a lark. Then, I realized, all I was going to need was some crayons and blank paper. How simple is that a request? Imagine the joy with nothing else but that in front of you…to draw in colors I wish to color with and not another care in the world.
Let’s face it. The world is not suddenly going to recognize us something of worth and respect. If we have hidden behind reality with our ‘little obsessions, we are apt to be very bitter indeed. I am practicing things I can do. I am practicing smiling and being grateful. I am practicing living every moment to its fullest…maybe not its deepest and its full length, but moment by moment. How can I feel disappointed or bitter if I do not put forth my expectations into my future? I want to be loving and kind so that I evoke loving kindness. Grace: that which draws others to you: Humility, the evocation of Grace. Yes, that’s it! Let me be grateful and humble for anything I can do now, so I will be grateful when I can do less.
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