I Am A Nine-Cow Woman -Worthiness
I wish to share a story I heard when I was a teenager. I have found the story but not who to give credit to for it. But, it is important to share it:
A young chieftain wanted to start his own sub-village, so he approached the tribe’s king to get his blessing and advice. The king liked the young man, adding that several wives would be needed if he were to succeed in the venture. It would be important that he built many huts, a pen to keep livestock, and farm enough grain to support the people and animals.
The warrior knew this, and carefully laid out his plan for a village. He explained that there were other young men who wanted to join him, and he pointed to a site on a nearby hill where he planned to live. The king consented. “When the time comes, may I purchase one of your daughters to start a family?” he asked. The buying of women was the way of that African tribes in that place and that time, and cattle was the primary means of barter.
The king had always liked the young man, and was glad about the news. “Absolutely,” the king responded enthusiastically. “Get your village built, raise some cattle, then come back to see me. I have many daughters, and I will give you a good value for your money.”
A year passed. The young chieftain arrived at the king’s hut with a small herd of cattle, indicating that he was ready to purchase a wife. “Take your pick; all of my daughters are over there, in that special maiden’s hut.”
After a short while, the younger chief returned, bringing with him a young woman who stood in dirty clothes, bent over, and dirty. “This is the woman I want to purchase, Your Highness,” said the suitor. “I will offer you nine cows for her.”
The king was taken aback. “Are you mad? Of all the daughters I have, this one is the most miserable and disagreeable. She is always frowning and moody; she does not sing nor does she dress well. She is certainly not worth nine cows! Two, three cows at best, but not nine cows.”
“Sire,” said the chieftain, “I know what I am doing. I insist on giving you nine cows for her. She will be my queen.”
Reluctantly, the king accepted the offer, insisting that the younger man deliver the payment in increments of two or three cows at a time. “I do not want anyone to know that I charged you so much for such a miserable bride.” The young man made his payment, and took the woman, unimpressive as she was, back to his village.
Several years passed. As was his custom, the king wandered among the sub-villages, to see how things were progressing and to gather knowledge of his people. He happened upon the same young chieftain’s group of huts, and was immediately impressed with all the prosperity and upbeat mood there. He couldn’t help notice a beautiful woman walking head held high through the townspeople, smiling broadly. Her warmth and energy was clearly spreading to those around her. “I see you are doing well, son,” said the king. “And that woman - she’s absolutely beautiful. Who is she? Is that my daughter - the one you paid so much for?”
“I always saw her as worth much more, Sire,” said the younger man. “And when I treated her like she had greater value, she became a queen. She’s my nine-cow wife. She was never anything less, in my eyes.”
This is a beautiful story that speaks to ancient wisdom. In this story, the nine-cow woman was always a nine-cow woman. To me, this story is about what we identify with and how there is possibility for changing ourselves if we identify with authentic aspects of ourselves.
Oh, how much we wish to change circumstances, and we can’t. It is life, remember. We try to change our situations and we even try to change others How often have you experienced, or heard of, someone who changed another and found out they did not like them that way? I remember someone trying to change for me and it was so fake it nearly made me puke. As my daughter is learning, sometimes the hard way, we cannot change for anyone but ourselves. To do otherwise is to set ourselves up for failure. The heart knows the journey and the authenticity.
As the book says, Change means, “locating within you impulses to make yourself feel worthy by attempting to control others or the circumstances around you, and changing them.” (p30) Nothing outside yourself will make you feel worthy. No gift, no word, no degree, no gesture, no accolade, no net worth, because the inner voice that knows, will tell you whether you are or not. One must keep in mind, though, that Ego can tell tales.
I have come to now that a woman’s worth, my worth, is in the obstacles that she overcomes. I have learned to stand upright and stare adversity right in the face, acknowledge Ego’s play and push and pull in it, and then it pass through me…most times. I have learned to stand on my own two feet and not depend on others to prop me up or validate me. I fall often, I stumble more often, but I pick myself up, dust myself off and get going. I know I am exactly where I should be and, dang it all, I am experiencing exactly what I am supposed to be experiencing. No one owns me or owes me anything. I own myself and owe myself the dignity and grace I was born with.
Nothing or no one else can change us…the work is all done within. Yes, there is age and accident, but that does not change our inner core….our pure and innocent, soul full of grace and bliss if we only seek it, change ourselves for it.