Living the Dream

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help.” There were only a few coins in the hat.

A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?”

The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.”

What he had written was: “Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.”

Both signs told people the boy was blind. While the first sign simply said the boy was blind, the second sign pointed the fortunate ones to their positive possibilities.

Moral of the Story:  Be thankful for what you have.  Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively. Invite the people towards good with wisdom.

It is not hard to know that negativity is seen as intelligence in the world today.  But, we would have to be blind, deaf and dumb to have any soulful area that is not affected…even then, there are those who take their experiences that were meant for deep soulful enlightenment as something negative.
“Some of my friends have told me that, while love and compassion are marvelous and good, they are not really very relevant. Our world, they say, is not a place where such beliefs have much influence or power. They claim that anger and hatred are so much a part of human nature that humanity will always be dominated by them. I do not agree.“ – Dalai Lama XIV
When I travelled by train from Montana to Boston, there was a great insurgence in numbers of beggars than my last trip.  They are getting tricky.  One man had a fake incision, in the wrong place for what he said he had had – including fake tubing in his arm.  Being hit on from so many for money for a ticket, for a surgery, for food, etc., that I closed my heart and almost missed the opportunity to buy someone coffee that really needed it.  My cynical heart said that it was ok to give this man something because he had been on the train since Montana and he had not eaten in those three days.  I was quite sure.  See…I evaluated it, I judged him, I wasn’t willing to take a chance…on a cup of coffee for goodness sakes.
Yes, we have to be careful.  But to be enlightened means we have to open our eyes and know the need.
“I believe that at every level of society - familial, tribal, national and international - the key to a happier and more successful world is the growth of compassion. We do not need to become religious, nor do we need to believe in an ideology. All that is necessary is for each of us to develop our good human qualities.

I try to treat whoever I meet as an old friend. This gives me a genuine feeling of happiness.  It is the practice of compassion.  “– Dalai Lama XIV

http://www.dalailama.com/page.166.htm

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“ Someone asked a spiritual writer awhile back if religion and spirituality were the same, and his reply was: “Is rain water?” – Richard Doiron

I know that I struggled with breaking away from a degrading religion in my life.  Protecting one’s soul from its authenticity is imperative. I finally got it figured out:  We are born with a certain spirit about us, our spirituality.  It is as much of us as our physical organs.  Religions is a place some go to EXPRESS their spirituality.  I have chosen not to follow man-made dictions as to how I should believe and live.  It is so much more authentically me.  It is this way that I accept my spiritual authority and it is free.

If we live our spiritual truths, we develop our own divinity.  We become spiritual beings having an earthly experience not the other way around.  Thinking and saying and acting from the idea that we are earthly beings having a spiritual experience smacks of religion to me.  We all have that thin cord of connection to all, to Creator.  When you add another splitter, you loose some of the direct connection on our electronics.  This is the same, I believe, with our spirituality. 

Earthly conflicts change our spiritual reality if we have thinned down our direct connection.  With a weakened condition of spirit, we may act on things in a worldly way rather than a spiritual way.  Just consider the way things are going in the world, the fear, the manipulation, the wars, the nasty neighborhood nuances, the family break-ups and break-offs.  We are not acting in our authentically spiritual way.  There are dark futures in this, indeed.  But, there are those of us who are not willing to hold that darkness and darkening any more. 

For true light, for true insight, we are asked to change as much spiritually as we have physically, intellectually and emotionally in our lives.  As we move towards more spirituality, spiritually wraps us in its arms and encourages us in myriads of ways.  We come to a place where we know that we deserve a reality of peace, joy, unconditional love.  We deserve to live without fear, guilt, sadness and anything that attempts to inject that into our lives is not of the spirit.  That is quite the statement, as I type it.  I have to type it again:  We deserve to live without fear, guilt, sadness and anything that attempts to inject that into our lives is not of the spirit.

When we collapse into these feelings, we are out of balance with our spiritual authenticity.  We will act according to this.  When we act out of these things that we have allowed to enter our physical, intellectual and emotional self, we are not acting with spiritual authenticity.  It takes courage not to abandon our innate courage and truths. 

The reality is that we exist in absolute perfection.  We were born as pure and perfect as Creator could make each one of us.  When we believe this in our very guts, we will act accordingly.  Oh, yes, there will be times we sabotage and allow others to sabotage our true knowing and remembrances.  There will be times we are stuck and feel powerless, or feel struck down in disbelief, or experiencing times that contradict our authentic spirit.  We work on changing our physical, intellectual and emotional self and forget that all we have to do is accept our own spiritual truths…not anyone else’s.  We all know we get in trouble when we do what other people expect of us and that might grate against what we really FEEL we should do.  We sometimes give up our power and let other people dictate what we should do.  It is never right because those other people are not us and do not have the reasons to be here down on earth that we do. 

There is perfection in every moment we are here.  There is!  We must find it.  Some days it may be difficult.  Some days it is truly hard to feel blessed.  But, if we are living our own truths, our own spiritual truths, our spirituality will be expressed in an authentic way.  If we allow a religion to dictate to our spirit, we have moved to living someone else’s spiritual life, not our own.  This I believe!

“Someone asked a spiritual writer awhile back if religion and spirituality were the same, and his reply was: “Is rain water?” – Richard Doiron  We can dance and run through or away from a sprinkler…but who would not rather dance in the heavenly rain?

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I have been working hard on myself to learn to listen, again, to that still small voice.  I thought it had abandoned me for it spoke nonsense, I felt.  But, I was to be proved wrong, perhaps.

I was on the last two days of a six week medical visit to Alberta.  My youngest son and little Mei came to pick me up and drive me back the hour trip.  I meant to spend the rest of the day and evening with them but something strange happened.

As we came closer to Lethbridge, I sensed an urgency to go to my brother, Bryce’s, where he was convalescing from having a PIT put in his arm through to his main heart artery.  He has dealt with pain and infection in his calf for the last year and there have been stringent work done by home care nurses, daily, on his leg.  I have been worried, and, although he does not say so, so is he, that he might loose his leg.  They have tried all sorts of antibiotics and nothing has cured the problem.  He has lost nearly 150 pounds.  His stomach skin has dropped and he needs to have a great mass removed.  They can do nothing until his leg heals.   I have been worried but I have not felt this kind of urge for a long time.

So, rather than spend the time with my youngest son and family, I told him I felt a strong need to go to Bryce’s.  We arrived at his house when the nurse was there.  She dressed the wounded leg and hooked up a new antibiotic they have been trying for two weeks.  He only needed a couple more doses.  We chatted and I found out more about the problem.  We visited and Bryce was feeling fine.  The phone rang and the home care nurse told him she had forgotten to turn on the intravenous and he should start it himself.  He was not sure how, but did what he thought said start.  It took a couple of pushes.  Within fifteen minutes, he said, “I have to go to the washroom, that’s the problem with this stuff.”  When he came out, he was gray and coughing.  He began a cold sweat and then a gasping and groaning.  I asked him who I should call.  The phone was in the kitchen powering up so I had to walk in and get the phone.  He told me to call the home nurse but while I was looking for the number, he said, “No, call the Dr.”  As I was trying to locate that number and get through past the inevitable, “Please hold on,” he began huffing worse.  Finally the Dr’s nurse came on and I began explaining.  She said to hold and she would talk to the dr.  In the meantime, Bryce got worse.  He was now seriously groaning and having trouble breathing.  I simply hung up and called 911.  Now began the long list of questions they had to ask, but I connected from the house phone to the hand-held phone and walked over so I was closer to my brother.  He was struggling.  I worked hard to panic.  They finally told me to have him lean back reclined.  That meant a move from the couch to his reclining chair-and-a-half.  I had to put the phone down to help him, he was weak and he is heavy.  The 911 heard his struggle and said they were on their way immediately.  They continued to try to talk to me while I tried to help Bryce get his legs up on the recliner and get settled.  They finally asked me to turn the light on and go stand out where the ambulance could see me.  In the meantime, Bryce began to get anxious and a bit panicky so he began pushing buttons to stop the intravenous.  I was at a loss, I knew nothing of how it worked and he could not seem to get it stopped.  He finally said it was stopped and there was a dinging from the machine.  I wasn’t sure he had.  I asked him to just lie back while I went out to direct the ambulance.  It took them ten more minutes to arrive.  I kept running back and forth from outside to inside to check on him.  As soon as I got the ambulance’s attention, I rushed back in.  He was still panting and gray.

They rushed in and then another crew came.  They immediately started oxygen and checked the infuser.  It was off.  In half an hour, they had stabilized him.  They began discussing whether to move him.  I heard whispers about difficulty and needing another team to help move him.  Bryce is still very heavy from his waist down.  Then the Dr’s office called and I explained that I had to call 911 and was told that was absolutely the right thing to do.  They made an appointment for 9:30 with his doctor.  I had, in the meantime, called Patty, Bryce’s wife, at work, and had told her I thought she should come home.

Bryce was soon well enough to talk logically and they team decided he would be alright but left a warning that, he must call if any changes happened.  They took off the infuser.

Bryce learned he must always, always, keep a phone nearby.  He cannot be alone while the medications are infusing.  The home care must follow through and do their job.  There is some question whether he should eb alone at all.  The doctor is not sure he suddenly became allergic to the penicillin after taking it for two weeks.  It may be his heart.  More Doctor appointments with specialists are being made.  In the meantime, Bryce is going without antibiotics that will save his leg.  No one in the medical field is in too much of a hurry but Bryce and I both know the urgency.  Bryce says I saved his life.  I may have, but I know it was that sense of urgency and the demanding small voice that had me stop at his house rather than spend time with my kids.

Was it my still small voice that trusted me again?  Or, was it a blessing my brother had been given that spurred that still small voice to speak to my soul?  I cannot know just now, but I have learned a great lesson… IT STILL SPEAKS!

This is part of living in the present, in the moment.  I cannot doubt, I have to attend to what it says so it will keep on speaking to me.  I have to pay attention to it since that is my connection to all of life.  I have given thanks; as soon as I got home, I lit the smudge and gave thanks.  My life has to be one of gratitude. My recent medical definitions demand such.  I have to cultivate deep listening.  I have to remember that the world wants to be heard as much as that still small voice inside me.

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I have just returned from Alberta for medical reasons.  It was time.  I have let things slide.  I had three major issues and have gotten some answers and help.
The best part of the six week visit was staying with ShirRae, Quinn and Paisley and getting to meet my older sister
Sandy. 

Paisley taught me something new every day.  She taught me how quickly a year old can pick up on things.  Being prejudiced, I think she is one of the smartest most beautiful babies ever. 

Meeting Sandy was a dream come true.  She is  tiny, dainty, and frail.  We laughed, cried, and made beautiful first connections.  Bobby and I had a great few days together.  What a treasure family is.

I learned another important lesson:  Listen to that still small voice with.  Jordan and Mei came to pick me up to take me down to Lethbridge.  I was meaning to spend the day and evening with Kay and them.  But, as we neared Lethbridge, I had a strong sense to just go to Bryce’s.  I had not been there an hour before he went into shock and began having troubles breathing after the home nurse started penicillin through a PIC to his heart.  It was frightening and I know, and I think he does too, that, had he been alone, I might have lost my brother.  He is struggling to save his leg from infection in his foot and calf.  He has learned he has to have a phone within reach. 

I was getting homesick and tired of tests.  In the end, I was able to get some medicines that cure my vanity at being 61 and taking no regular meds.  I need to be able to walk and am willing to do what it takes to do so.
I have spent the day resting and sleeping.  The three days on the train wear me out and I have been curled up under a blanket with the fireplace going. 
I have to face the fact that I have to take better care of myself. 
I am diabetic and have neuropathy issues in my feet, bowels and hands.  As well, I have arthritis in my neck that affects my right hand.  As for the esophageal hernia…they cannot do the surgery because of my age.  It would mean shortening the esophageal tube and this causes problems as I would age, so I am just left to deal with it.

I have diabetic information by the reams and am going on the GI diet as of tomorrow.   Richard tested a little high in glucose a couple of months ago, as well, and it will be good for him to go on this as well.  I am not sure what he will do about his love for bread and desserts and how he can get himself to eat all the veggies and fruit needed.  We can’t do everything overnight, but we can begin to make changes.  I will find some good diabetic dessert recipes for him…diabetic peanut butter cookies recipe anyone?

I came home to 494 emails and will get through them asap.  The Lyrica has not made me too dopy and am hoping that it will work for the nerve pain. 

It is cold here, in Maine.  We are going down into the teens and the fireplace is wonderful and keeps the house almost too warm.  Richard and puppy and the plants survived without me but I hope not to go that long without them again.

I have some competitions to enter, a book to finish, poetry chapbooks to publish and Christmas to prepare for.  Stay tuned!

I am thinking to get to some flea markets and art sales through Christmas to add to my pension. 

We are planning a trip to Florida around Christmas and to go to Yuma in February.  A trip to Canada has to come after that so I can visit Mother and my brothers and sisters and to go back and complete some medical issues. 

Trying to figure out sugar sampling and how to work the diabetic diet will be a main issue for me as I try to get healthier. 

Watch for “Hopi Dreams” and poetry collections through until spring.   I am going to enter “Beautiful Be” collection of poetry in the Canadian Women’s poetry competition about Canadian women and life.  Also, I am preparing “Riverside Louis” collection to enter in some chapbook competition as well.  Riverside Louis is one of my favorite collections and I have to get it going and published. 

I am so blessed.  I hope to make better, more significant connections with my grandchildren, children and family through this next year.  I am not good at resolutions but I need to stretch my ability to love and show that love.

Peace and love,
Carol.

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A friend asked us to comment on Canada eventually having a First Nations’ Leader. Here is my reply:

That would be awesome if we could have one who could figure out how to be truly traditional and contemporary. I have had friends who tried combining both politics ( Band leadership) and traditional and one is always hurt by it. I know many who would do a fine job as well. How does one keep their integrity and yet be able to be involved in such a corrupt BUSINESS?

I was totally hoping for Obama and his speech afterwards was an example of why. Not “I” “me” “Mine”….it was all about “us” and what work we all needed to do now. I was so grateful to see such a man give this his best shot.

I will be in Canada about ten more days, then, home and healthy.

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